Last Friday was technically my first day of work, although, I didn’t really do much. Fridays are usually my day off and because my first day of work was on a Friday, I just went in to go over my schedule for the next week and see the kids before they left the school.
On my way home from work, I stopped by the neighborhood park to take pictures. While I was taking pictures an elderly man came up to me and said:
“Take my picture, sweetheart. I want you to remember me always. “
I had seen him around the town a couple of times before so, I saw no harm in taking his picture. Plus, there were a bunch of people around and I was two feet away from the school so I knew I would be safe. He proceeded to sit down on a piece of rock shaped cement and he posed for the picture. After I took it he asked to see it. So I showed it to him and he told me,
“Take another of me, but don’t make me look so old this time.”
So I took another picture of him and showed it to him. Then he said to me,
“My sweet heart will you give me a kiss?”
Now I had seen this scene play out many times on 6th street (in Austin Texas). I could tell from his stumbled speech that he had a little something extra with his morning coffee so I cautiously turned around and said,
“See you later.”
Unfortunately that was not good enough for him. So he said,
“No! Where are you going? Why are you leaving me, my dear?”
I told him,
“I need to go home to eat lunch.”
The man’s face lit up when I told him this and his tone changed.
Man: Oh so you live here?
Me: Yes I am the new English conversation teacher.
Man: Oh yes, my grandson told me about you.
Me: Yes I met many of the children already.
(Now I just want to let you all know, before you start worrying about my safety, that there that I was keeping a very safe distance from this man at this point.)
Man: Yes my grandson came home and told me the other day, and forgive me for saying this, these are his words not mine, My grandson came home and told me, “ Abuelo, tenemos una Negra en el collegio”.
Now normally, I would have brushed this off. Loosely translated, his grandson told him that they had a black woman at the school. In most people’s eyes, this was harmless. Yet, there was something about his need to apologize before telling me these words that really caught me off guard.
For as long as I’ve been speaking Spanish I’ve know that in Spanish speaking cultures, you are know by your features. If you are fat, then someone who is greeting you may say “hola gordita.” If you are skinny, it is customary for someone to say “hola flaca.” It is no different with skin color.
I am well aware that when a person sees me in passing, the first thing he or she may notice about me is that I’m a black woman. Surprise! I’ve know that since I was a child. I’m also well aware that this is even more paramount in a town of 4,001 (since I moved in) people with only 1 black family.
Since the day that I came into the town I’ve been “La Negrita” or the young black girl. When I went to Costa Rica, I was “La Negrita.” Even in San Antonio, I have been “ La Negrita” from time to time. Yet, none of this ever bothered me as much as it did today.
The thing that really caught me off guard was the fact that this man not only felt the need to apologize before calling me una Negra but he placed the blame on his grandson. The reason why it caught me off guard was because for as long as I’ve know these words, I have been told that to be called una Negra is an endearing term. It doesn’t have the same meaning as the N-word does in the United States. It’s simply a way for people to get your attention if they don’t know your know or a way to describe you in conversation. If this is true, then why did he feel the need to apologize? I mean, who apologizes when they say something nice?
Suddenly my world was changed. I don’t know about you, but I’ve always lived by the philosophy that a drunk man tells more truths than a sober man, but does this saying hold true in this situation? If so, what does this man’s slip of the tongue really mean?
On the walk home I started thinking about all the times I had allowed people to refer to me as Negra or Negrita. Then, with great guilt, I thought of the times I used these terms to describe other Black women in conversation. I couldn’t help but wonder if I had, for all these years, allowed people to degrade me under the assumption that these terms were endearing? Even worse, I started to wonder had I innocently degraded others? I was sick!
When my host brother came home, I told him what happened and asked him the significance of these terms. He explained to me (as so many have before) that these terms were only meant to describe. He added that yes, they can have a negative connotation if said a certain way but the majority of people who use these terms are not being prejudice. They are simply calling out one of your features. He proceeded to tell me that this is the same as me being able to call him “Blanco” (or white); it would not mean anything.
In the back of my mind though, I couldn’t agree with him because 1) I wouldn’t refer to him as a Blanco or call him “Blanco” in passing, I would use his name and 2) even beyond the surface I would have to argue that because he is white, me calling him Blanco does not have the same meaning as him calling me a Negra or Negrita because the histories behind those words and the people they represent are totally different. For the past four days I’ve been having this debate with my fellow Spaniards and they all agree with my host brother but I want to open this conversation up to you guys. Was this simply a miss understanding or
is Negra the new N-word?
He may have apologized simply because he thought you may take offense given your American background. Not everyone here would know that in Spanish cultures you are known by your features. To use your example of "Hola, gordita" how many people from the US do you think would take offense at that?
ReplyDeleteI will be asking those that I know who travel or have a greater understanding of Spanish and Spanish culture than I do.